


Done Dirt Cheap!

by PyroHyro



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bottom John, Dirty Deeds (Done Dirt Cheap), Engagement, Eventual Smut, F/M, Janes a bitch, Kinda, M/M, McLennon, Porn With Plot, Short Chapters, Some angst, Soulmate AU, Top Paul, Updates at random, actually has a plot wow, george has his number, google docs is the only thing saving my capitalization, idk what to put in these tags, johns basically a call boy, johns pauls emotional support, pls be nice i'm a senior in highschool, ringos a psychic, sex therapy kinda, songfic?, sorry - Freeform, the band never existed, there is no schedule lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2020-10-04 09:56:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20469134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PyroHyro/pseuds/PyroHyro
Summary: Paul McCartney is engaged to a wonderful woman named Jane Asher, but they aren't soulmates. When meeting with a psychic (Ringo Starr), he learns that he's fated to see some major changes in the coming days. Bullshit. When things go bad with Jane, his friend (George Harrison) gives him a phone number and says the guy can help. Can a call boy (John Lennon) really be the answer to all his questions, though? Based on Dirty Deeds (Done Dirt Cheap) by AC/DC, and all the chapter titles come from the lyrics.





	1. You Got a Lady

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! I'm back haha. Hope you enjoy the first chapter, PLEASE give me criticism i'm a bad writer. Please. I'd also be very much open to having someone read over my chapters before I post them to assure they're good quality, if anybody's interested!

Paul McCartney was in love. The woman wasn’t even his soulmate, and he found himself happy with living the rest of his life with her. Her name was Jane Asher, and she was by far one of the prettiest birds he’d ever met. After dating for years, they had _finally_ gotten engaged in January, and he was genuinely excited for their special day. He’d already began looking at venues and putting together Pinterest boards full of ideas for colors and decor, you could say Paul was prepared.

See, your soulmate is the person you are destined to spend the rest of your life with. It isn’t decided by you or your family. It’s basically fate, to dumb it down and avoid getting religious or political with it. You’re born with a tattoo somewhere on your body, and whoever has the matching mark is supposedly your soulmate, who you’re supposed to live your life with. Jane, however, did not match him. He had a mark similar to that of a halo settled on his wrist, while Jane had a triangle on her left shoulder blade.

But they were in love and he didn’t care that they didn’t match. The whole prophecy really didn’t have an affect on how he felt… ever. He never believed it, he never met his soulmate and he was alright with the idea that he never would. He had Jane, and that’s all that mattered. At least to him. Jane was a little iffy at first on being in a relationship with Paul, but they wound up doing phenomenally together. It was, to them, as if there was no such thing as a soulmate to begin with.

...Well, at least that’s what he believed. Paul arrived home from work with a big smile on his face, hurriedly fumbling for the keys to his apartment. He couldn’t wait to see his fiancée in all her damn glory. He pushed the door open once he’d unlocked it, stepping inside with a proud “I’m home, love!” To which he got.. No response. He quickly hung his coat up on the hook beside the door and slumped his bag off under it. Toeing his shoes off as well, he walked over towards their kitchen. On the counter, a note sat waiting for him. Of course, she probably had to leave on short notice again… surely. He picked it up and read it over, sighing.

_My darling,_

_I’m off to New York for a shoot this week! I’m sorry I didn’t text you, but I had to leave right away. I hope you won’t miss me too much while I'm gone!_

_See you next Saturday_  
_Jane (with a little drawn heart next to her name)_

So she was off working again. He didn’t mind. He had just been excited to see her, as she’d just gotten back from her last job. Suppose that’s just the business for you. He smiled and folded the note nicely, setting it aside and getting to work on making himself a cup of tea. Paul decided a while back that even though she often got calls way too soon, he’d accepted her sudden travels. After all, it was her work.

Humming quietly, he grabbed the nearest box of tea bags and dropped it into the empty mug. Awaiting the rolling boil of the electric kettle, he tapped his fingers on the counter to any old beat that came to mind. Perhaps if he wasn’t stuck in the teaching business, he could use that as backing for a song or something. But alas, he was stuck teaching college students. Not that he minded, (he quite liked being a teacher actually), he just wished he could be out performing in a band! At least he taught music… Yeah! Teaching music is just as good. He was cool, he could deal.

\-----------------

Paul thought he and Jane were going to have a wonderful future together. The day after Jane had left for work again he’d decided, just for the hell of it, to go to one of those fortune tellers that explain your future and stuff of the sort. He thought it was bullshit, but it was fun to experience the whimsical nature of tellers. So here he was. In front of a psychic’s little hut. It was cozy, with two floors, (more of a little house than an actual “hut”) and Paul figured the person who ran it lived on the upper floor as the curtains were drawn and there were little stickers on the windows seemingly placed there by a child.

Children. Paul smiled at the thought of having a little one of his own bounding about the house. But Jane had made it clear she didn’t want kids. She didn’t seem to be budging on that idea so he’d reluctantly let it go for the time being. Hopefully she’d change her mind later down the line but for the time being it seemed they’d run about child-free. At least it allowed for more intimacy, he supposed. They hadn’t been intimate for a while, she was always busy or too tired, (which he understood) but he sometimes longed for that sort of touch. He’d survive without it though, he supposed.

Finally, he emerged from his car and walked up the path, raising a hand to ring the bell. Right away, a small man opened the door. He was short and stout, bearing a large nose and marvelous blue eyes. Everything about him screamed friendly, and that was only enhanced when the lad smiled at him.

“Paul, right?” He asked. Paul nodded, smiling back.

“Yeah, I hope i’m not too early.” He said almost apologetically, to which the other chuckled and stepped inside.

“No such thing, lad. Come on in, have a seat at the table and I’ll be right with you.” The man assured, gesturing to the table with a hand that was nicely decorated with rings of different sorts and colors. Paul looked over to where this mentioned table was and took in the strange surroundings. It was mystical, curtains of all different patterns and lengths hanging from the walls. The longest ones were up pulled back besides the windows, and they seemed thick enough to properly block out the sunlight when drawn shut. The floor was scattered with carpets and cloth that made sure no floorboard was visible. Some would say it was a bit much, but Paul found it all quite fascinating to look at. He walked over, sitting down at the round table and waiting patiently for the man’s return.

When the psychic finally returned, Paul glanced over and offered a smile when he went to shake his hand. “I’m Ringo, I’ll be answering your questions and hosting the reading today.” He introduced, sitting down across from him and pulling two cloth bags from under the table. Ringo smiled at Paul. “What would you like to do? I’ve prepared myself for a tarot reading, ribbon reading, and if you’d like we could also just do a palm reading. You’ve already paid and they’re all the same price so you can pick from those three.”

“Oh, well… I suppose you can’t go wrong with a card reading, right?” Paul asked, attempting a smile of his own. Ringo chuckled, opening one of the bags and pulling out a thick deck of cards.

“Well, I suppose it depends on the question. If you would like the most out of your answers, we could do a three card pull. One for Past, present, and future. Otherwise, one card is always alright as well for more direct, present-only answers. Which would you prefer?”

“Three cards work, I’d like to know as much as can be given.” Paul answered. Ringo nodded, pulling the cards into a proper stack. 

“Alright, ask the cards you’re question then.” Paul looked at Ringo for a moment in pure confusion. Ask the cards? Why wouldn’t he ask Ringo, what was the point of that? Going with the flow, though, he sighed and looked down at the cards. He smiled.

“What should I expect from my marriage with Jane?” He asked. Ringo waited a moment to let the question hang in the air before giving a hum and shuffling the deck for a few moments. He looked at Paul and simply said:

“Tell me when to stop.” To which Paul responded with a nod. After telling Ringo to stop for all three cards, the psychic set the rest of the deck aside and went to turn one of the cards over, the three lined up in order of when they were pulled. “Right then.. So you’ve got the Star card for the past position. It refers to a good idea you had that began a series of events that led to your present circumstances. You’re engaged, yes? In your case, it could be referring to the choice to start dating Jane. The following two cards will settle if it was a good choice or not.”

Paul was lost already, but he nodded slowly. “...Right, I see. Carry on.” He assured, looking down as Ringo flipped the next card.

“Ah, The Tower. The Tower often shows up when something has come to a completion but the seeker is too invested to be able to let it go. In the case of a love reading, which is what we’re doing now, you might be unable to handle the realities of the relationship you are currently in. Jane might not be very compatible with you. The Tarot is simply warning you and asking that you open your eyes.”

Paul widened his eyes at that. “Wh… what? But we’re engaged, it has to be alright--” he stammered out, looking around. Ringo held up a hand.

“The Tower card doesn’t mean negativity, but it simply means reality. You can perhaps fix this later down the line. Are you alright to move to the future card?”

Paul sighed, nodding. “Yeah, alright..”

Ringo flipped the last card. “Alright, the Wheel of Fortune card. In the sense of a love reading, The Wheel of fortune turns up in the Seeker’s life to expand and lift up the seeker’s experiences. It often shows up when you least expect it and it creates amazing changes you might not even be ready for. The Tarot says to prepare for the Wheel of Fortune’s power because if you don’t it can be a stressful experience. Be ready for major changes.” He explained, earning an exasperated sigh from Paul.

“Christ, it’s all negatives now isn’t it?” He quipped, rubbing his face with his hands. The older of the two offered a reassuring smile.

“Well, the future can change if you work on the present. I’m sure if you look for your answers and face the facts now, this major change will feel like nothing. Perhaps it won’t even happen, but please be ready for whatever comes your way. _Don’t just ignore the Tarot, cause it decides for us what is to come.”_


	2. And You Want Her Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no excuse aside from senior year is hard.

It had started out innocently enough.

Paul went out with his good mate George, the two of them meeting at the younger man’s home so they could sit around and watch the telly. All the while, nursing bottles of beer, they found themselves stuck on the gossip news channel. Always a good entertainer when there’s nothing particularly good on, right?

The two of them sat with some room between them, chatting mindlessly about dolphins and sharks and such. Two or so weeks after Paul had met with that Psychic, he’d almost forgotten about the overwhelmingly negative outcome he’d gotten from the Tarot. Of course, occasionally he got this nagging feeling in the back of his head telling him something was _very_ wrong, but he always pushed it aside.

This time, however.. This time, he’d gotten that thought that he should be worried, and he found it to be overwhelming. As if someone was grabbing him by the shoulders and telling him to ‘wake the fuck up and see the truth!’ and it had him gnawing on his lip and staring at the TV to distract himself. George, catching this off demeanor, stopped explaining the works of echo-location and looked at the screen as well. He didn’t mind just being quiet for the bit, Paul seemed… nervous.

All of Paul’s fears came to life when he saw what story was being played.

“It was appalling to see that actress Jane Asher had been seen exiting a restaurant in New York City, with a man now identified as chef Joshua Price’s arm around her waist. It’s been known now that back in January, she was engaged to Paul McCartney, a music professor at a local college back home in Liverpool. Jane and Joshua were spotted around Brooklyn in different locations, all in a similar state as recorded here;” 

A video played of his Jane walking out of some fancy restaurant he was too shocked to read the name of, being held close by some bloody chef he’d never even heard of before! What the fuck was this shit? The reporter continued.

“It is believed that Jane and Joshua have been dating behind closed doors, and that they have been meeting for over a year now. We have yet to get ahold of Joshua or Jane, and currently have no answers to this secret affair-” And the screen went black. Paul was shaking, but he wasn’t sure if he was about to cry or if he was teetering on the edge of throwing his bottle of beer at the TV. George was completely silent, unsure of what to say or do. He set the remote down, staring blankly. It wasn’t until he’d heard Paul mumbling to himself that he snapped out of it and pulled him into a tight hug, hushing the man who was frozen in disbelief. The Tarot was right, a change was coming and this was it-

He buried his face into George’s shoulder, letting out a sob. How could she? How could his sweet, sweet Jane that always made him feel so loved… how could she go off and _lie_ to him? She wasn’t off for photo shoots! She was off shagging some bloke from Brooklyn or wherever the fuck! This wasn’t fair.. This wasn’t fair! They were doing so good! What had he done wrong..?

George was taken aback by this, eyes wide. His friend never cried, Paul was one of those lads who always made it seem like he was fine. He always seemed okay, this wasn’t like him. And that pissed him off. He didn’t deserve this, and if he could, he'd fly over to New York right now and make that known to Jane and her secret boyfriend or whatever. Just wait until she came back, oh-- No.. he shouldn’t. That’d be way out of line for him. Instead, he pushed those thoughts aside and kept his arms around Paul, comforting him as best he could. This meant everything to him, keeping his friend secure and making sure he was okay. Like a good friend should? Yeah. We’ll go with that.

Paul greatly appreciated the effort made. He knew he’d never be the same again, he was crushed. He should have been more prepared for this, he’d been specifically told something bad was going to happen and he didn’t believe it. He didn’t fucking believe it! Why didn’t he believe it?? He couldn’t have stopped it from happening but he could have been more prepared for it.. Fuck, he couldn’t breathe! What was happening, why couldn’t he breathe? Oh god, was he dying?!

George hugged Paul tighter, fully aware of what was happening. The man was hyperventilating, shaking, crying.. He was having a breakdown right there in his friend’s living room because of some redhead actress who toyed with his feelings.

\-----------------

It had been nearly a week. It’s been nearly a week and he’s still absolutely crushed. She hasn’t come home yet. He’s terrified. What’ll happen when she arrives? Should he say something to her right away, or let her off easy? She hasn’t texted, what if she doesn’t come back? What if she decides he doesn’t deserve an explanation and never returns? Or pretends nothing ever happened? He needs George here. He needs his friend’s support. He can’t do this! Maybe he can call him--

_The phone rang._

Oh god. Oh god no, Was that her? Oh lord, he couldn’t handle talking to her right now. He couldn’t! But he should answer.. What if it wasn’t her? He grabbed the phone, pulling it to his ear. “H-Hello?” He stammered, cursing the fact that he couldn’t speak straight.

“Hey, Paul love!” Jane purred from the other end of the line. Immediately, Paul felt his heart stop. Oh no. Oh god, he couldn’t do this- “How’s Liverpool without me, dear?”  
“L-Liverpool is fine, you know. Same old same old, like… I miss you, you know. Better be back soon.” He managed, to which Jane gave that giggle he loved so much. Paul breathed a sigh, smiling.

“Of course, darling. I’m going to be home the day after tomorrow.” She affirmed, making Paul light up a bit. Oh, but he was probably going to have to talk to her about what he saw.. Or could he just ignore it and pretend nothing happened? Perhaps he’d talk to George about it, who knows. 

“Oh, wonderful. I can’t wait to see you.” He leaned against the wall as he spoke the generic response. But it seemed to please Jane, he could hear a smile in her voice as she spoke;

“I can’t wait to see you either.. Do tell me what you’ve been up to while I was gone, I’d love to hear about it when I come home.” Jane noted. Paul heard a voice in the background, someone calling her off as they ‘only had a few more shots before they were done.’ to which he figured meant she was on set for a photoshoot and that she wasn’t totally lying. “Ah.. I suppose I’d better go now. I’ll call you when I can, love.” She assured Paul, making him smile hopelessly.

“Of course Jane, I love you.” He responded, voice going tight at the last three words. 

“Mmm, I love you too!” She responded kindly, giving a ‘mwah!’ into the phone’s receiver before hanging up.

_Paul needed to talk to George._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i do have a bit of an excuse, that being the first chapter of this was four pages on google docs, and i really wanted to be consistant so i kept writing when i felt up to it until i found a natural place to end it off. originally, i was going to end it after the scene with george but that didn't even reach two pages.. too short!
> 
> (this one's 3 and a half but i figured it'd be better to cut it off)


	3. But You Ain't Got The Guts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back? welcome to.. this mess. i hate that i left you all hanging with chapter two but! hey, i was far too busy with college stuff the last month but it's finally here!! chapter three!!! sorry for the wait <3!

Jane’s return home came faster than Paul had anticipated. He’d known it’d only be two days but George had wound up to be too busy to meet and talk about things the day after he’d gotten the call from Jane. So he was driving up to the airport with nothing planned. No words to say, no idea whether he should get right to the point or see if she’d admit it herself..

He was lost.

As he walked through the airport doors to wait for Jane by the food court, Paul decided to text George. He felt like he at least needed some type of pep talk. Something to hype him up and maybe take the edge off of seeing Jane again. Anxiously rocking back and forth on his feet where he stood by the gate, he read over the mass of short texts his mate had sent to pick up his mood and urge him to go for it and talk to her.

** _Gourge, 14:25 pm_ **

_maa a aa ate, you gotta tell her whats up!! or i will for you!!_

_its not worth waiting, what if you never say something and she leaves again? more cheating!!! the bitch just isn’t worth your time >:(_

** _Pail, 14:27 pm_ **

_Are you sure, George? I’m worried she won’t admit and I certainly don’t want to upset her_

** _Gourge, 14:29 pm_ **

_MATE she fuckihgj w r e c k e d your heart come ON_

** _Pail, 14:31 pm_ **

_Sure, perhaps, but she doesn’t deserve the same! She was always so wonderful to me, I just want to let her down easy at least?_

** _Gourge, 14:33 pm_ **

_omg paul you’re too nice for this. you want me to intimidate her? maybe she’ll admit if i stare her down 👀👀👀_

** _Pail, 14:35 pm_ **

_Perhaps. butuihgdkjjllHIMUHFU SHE’S HERE GOTTA GO-_

** _Gourge: 14:37 pm_ **

_AYE WAIT_

_macca?????_

_helloooooo??_

_smh._

There she was. She was approaching him! Oh god, she was right there… and she looked so happy to see him! Oh, Paul couldn’t bear it. He flicked his eyes to the ground after waving her hello, hesitating when she was close enough and pecked him right on the cheek.

“Miss me, darling?”

“Oh, more than ever, hah.” He lied. She smiled.

“I missed you too. But I’m back in time for the holidays, yeah?”

“Oh, of course, yes… ahah, holidays. You’re.. The best gift I could have asked for.” Again, she smiled, curling her finger under Paul’s chin and tipping his head up for a kiss. But Paul hesitated. He didn’t kiss back, and Jane immediately felt there was a problem. She pulled away, confused. 

“What’s the matter, love?”

“Oh, uhm, I’d rather we talk about that another time. Let’s just relax for a while, yeah..? Go back to the flat, have some tea and watch the telly?”

“I suppose, if you’d like. But I _will_ find out what’s the matter! I won’t give in until you tell me!” 

Oh, he wished she would. He wished with all his heart she would give up and live in pure ignorant bliss. He wished she could keep a grip on what he’d lost, feeling loved by one person. So much so you even planned to spend your entire life with them.

He wasn’t ready, but he never would be.

_The time was soon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly i just sort of... forgot what i'd planned for the plot of this ahaha. but it's alright, i found the doc with all my plot points so we should hopefully be back on track!


	4. Keeps Nagging at You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm baaaaack.... again.... remember when i said i'd do a lot of writing during the winter break? that didn't happen :')

In fact, the time was now. He couldn’t wait any longer with this, faking that all was well between him and Jane. As much as he wished he could pretend this never happened and carry on with their upcoming wedding and such, he just couldn’t. So he was going to confront her, right here, right now!

He peeked into the kitchen, looking over at who… was… the love of his life. He trusted her for so long. The more he thought, the angrier he found himself becoming.

“Jane, could we-”

“Oh! Paul, dear, I was just about to call you. I made lunch!” She turned to look at him, beaming. He sighed, giving his best smile. She turned to grab plates for the salad she’d prepared. Fuck, he still loved her so much..

“That’s nice, but I really would like to talk to you. It’s sort of important.”

“Well, I’m sure we can talk about it over a nice salad, I know you like the garden kind.”

He scratched the scruff at the base of his chin. He hadn’t been bothered enough to shave much lately, and it was slowly becoming more evident. “Alright, dear. Sure.” He agreed, moving to sit down at the table as she went back to prepping the plates and digging for the tongs. Once all was sorted out, she set the bowl down and handed him a plate.

“Help yourself!” She stated kindly, making Paul cringe inwardly. The fact that he’d promised to talk to her about the situation made seeing her this bright and chipper that much worse. He took some onto his plate despite not being hungry really... At all, actually. He was writhing internally, anxious for what was certainly to come.

“..So, Jane, uh..” He started hesitantly, chewing on his lip instead of the greens right there in front of him. “Can we talk, then?”

“Of course, my love! What’s going on with you?” She asked, cocking her head to the side. He breathed. Now or never.

“Who’s Joshua Price?” He asked quietly. Jane went silent before giggling.

“He’s a mate from New York, why?” She answered.

“Heard some stuff is all, uh..” He trailed off.

“What kind of stuff?”  
“That he was relatively handsy with you. That you were in a relationship with him behind my back. Saw it on the news.” He answered, as calm as he could. She went quiet, moving to rest a hand on his shoulder. He moved away. 

“Baby, I would never cheat on you--”

“He had his arm around your _bloody_ waist, Jane! He was holdin’ you like you were his!” He retorted, sitting up. She widened her eyes.

“I-- well, i- uhm,” She stammered, at a loss. Paul was shaking again, he stood up.

“I can’t believe you. N’ I thought you _wanted_ to get married. What is it, then?”

“He’s my fucking soulmate, jerk!”

“I thought that didn’t matter to you??” Oh, was she changing her mind now?

“No! It doesn’t matter to you, I always wanted to find my soulmate!”

He went dead quiet.

She wasn’t happy with him? She agreed to marry him, but she wasn’t even happy?

“Jane..” Paul could feel the burning behind his eyes. He felt like he was going to cry. Again. But he couldn’t! He was doing this for himself. “Jane, I thought you were happy with us..” He mumbled quietly. She bit her lip, running her hand over her own arm.

“I’m so sorry, Paul. Everything felt so nice between us, but.. Once I met Josh, god, it was like my life had changed. I think, if you really want to settle down.. It should be with your soulmate. I don’t want you to find your partner while you’re tied in marriage with someone else.. It won’t feel right.”

“Jane, I told you I don’t believe in that sort of thing…”

“Take me as an example. I love you, Paul. You deserve to find the one made for you. If you’re so hooked on me, imagine what will happen when you find the one..” She tried to reassure, rubbing his shoulders. Paul wasn’t listening though. He jerked away from her, running his hands through his hair and cursing. He had to leave.

So that’s exactly what he did.

_He left._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i promised john would come in during this chapter but if i brought him in the chapter would be far too long for the format of this fic so... uh... no promises but i'm hoping he'll at least be introduced next time. <3 <3 <3


End file.
